From the White Notebook

VI

Hero’s Lament

‘Die to live’, is what he said.
‘Die today to live tomorrow’.
Hide myself away,
be miserable under cover,
out of sight,
somewhere he can’t see my pain.
The Pain he caused.

‘Die’, he said, ‘die to live’.
Hide myself away.
Make him suffer as I have suffered.
Tell him I am dead.
I must agonize in private,
cry away my sorrow.

And sorrow have I;
False accusations, a father’s betrayal,
loved ones so ready to believe
the lies.

Die, hide yourself,
don’t let him hear your wails.
Don’t let them know how much
they’ve torn your soul.
Don’t let the pain show.

Die. Today, I die.
Tomorrow I live.
I cannot live today.
I cannot live,
express my anger,
show my utter desolation,
let them see my disappointment,
do not let them see my sorrow.
That, I must not do. Today
I must die.

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