*And by “baffle” I mean “should never, ever be used”
“Natch” – as in “Naturally”
“Totes” – as in “Totally”. This one actually gives me the willies. The Fella says it not-seriously all the time and I give him crap for doing it, now it’s at the point where he says it on purpose when I’m around, bastard…
“Hubby” – as in “Husband”. This one is terrible. It’s cute-cutesy and absolutely unnecessary. Say “my husband” or use his name.
“L.O.L.”, “R.O.F.L”, “L.M.A.O.” – all this shit bores me. How hard is it to type “haha” when you find something funny? Why must there be qualifiers like this? I know it’s hard to express nuances in text format, but I really think its enough that you express your amusement at what the other person said: it doesn’t need to be so dramatic.
“Lyke” – Ok, this isn’t an abbreviation or a shortened word at all, which is why its very existence is actually baffling. Exchanging a ‘Y’ for and ‘I’ is like spelling your baby’s name “Wendi” or “Jessyka” or “Justyn” or “Kile” or “Stefany” just because you want your kid to be “different”. There’s no reason for this; using this spelling doesn’t make you stand out as an individual, it makes you look like an idiot… I’m sorry, an “ideot”.
“O.M.G.” – This one is NOT new, but I think has been overextended due to the Internets. This one needs to be shelved until a new generation, one that has never heard it before, comes along and can pull it out and be “original”.
Basically talking like Babe Walker (whoever she is). By which, of course, I mean, talking like a bored rich girl. You know what I’m talking about, a tone of voice that sounds like it’s being weighed down by rich people problems and everything actually being said is so vapid and dull it would even bore the shit out of Daisy Buchanan. Don’t talk like Babe Walker (who I’m hoping doesn’t actually talk like that in real life; dear lord, let it be a “voice” – I would have so much respect for her if it were proved to be a persona).